Be All My Dreams.

Hi from the land of we-have-an-eleven-day-old-so-we-live-in-comfy-pants-and-take-naps-at-random-times.  Ha!  Ila has been such a champ.  We had a follow-up weight check today (because we are breastfeeding) and in one week she gained eleven ounces.  Kinda makes me want to fist bump the girls!  If you have breastfed, you know that it can be terribly draining (no pun intended) both emotionally and physically.  Ouch!  But it is incredibly rewarding to see your babe growing, even if it means that you have spent far too many minutes of your day applying lanolin cream.  Seriously, should invest in stock of that stuff.  Okay, enough, enough.

Can I take a moment to share something?  This past Sunday we went to church for the first time as a family of four.

Gosh, it was such a blessing.  There was just something that morning making me giddy inside.  Anticipation? Anxiousness? Whatever it was, it seemed to come to fruition in worship.  Just as the words of David Crowders' Only You began to fill the sanctuary, so did the mass of emotions that had been pent up in my new mom heart.  I tried my darnedest, but a few huge tears trickled out.  So I sat, listened, and gently rocked Ila, sleeping in her car seat.  These words pierced my heart.

Take my fret, take my fear.  All I have, I'm leaving here.  Be all my hopes, be all my dreams. You're (Be) my delight(s), be my everything.

I couldn't have spoken anything more true to my heart.  As a new mom again, there is a laundry list of things that I fear ranging from health to intentional time spent with my girls.  How will Ona react to a new sister?  Will I have enough time to spend with them while juggling the rest of life?  What do you, God, want my life to look like as a wife, mom, friend, etc.?  The weight of these kinds of questions can be crippling and that is where I found myself.  Hanging on, but a bit scared of the ride.  These words were the voice to my quivering heart.  

Staring into the face of my baby girl, I was speechless with joy.  Be all my hope.  Yes!  Be all my dreams.  Yes!  Yes!  Be my delight, my everything... Yes.  

I was weaved as a dreamer and I think that God used this moment to remind me that he knows authors my dreams.  Whatever I fret, fear, hope, and dream about ... He knows.  Is it still hard?  Heck, yes!  But what a breath of life reminder.

Don't know if this encourages anyone else aside from this mildly sleep deprived momma, but I hope so.  I would love to hear!